Onion News Network Season 1 Episodes
Season 1 Episode Guide
Episode 1 - Enter the FactZoneWhen one of the network's most beautiful reporters is tragically kidnapped, the Onion News Network leaps into action. Brooke Alvarez runs down the biggest stories of the day on the Onion News Network's top-rated show, FactZone. Co-host Tucker Hope delivers the Daily Briefing on his high-tech touch-screen, The Recon Wall 4000.
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Episode 2 - SnowlocaustAs a winter storm batters the Midwest, Brooke Alvarez oversees an army of reporters from her vantage point in the FactZone. Washington correspondent Jane Carmichael and senior field reporter Brian Scott are always at the ready when breaking news happens.
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Episode 3 - Man-Horse MarriageScandal erupts over a staunchly conservative senator's relationship with a horse. As she does every night in the FactZone, Brooke Alvarez separates the truth from the lies so you don't have to waste time making up your own mind. The Onion News Network is a ray of light in the fog of deception.
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Episode 4 - Fifth AnniversaryFactZone celebrates five years of total news dominance. Brooke Alvarez, the news anchor with more stalkers than any other major network on-screen personality, tracks the top stories of the day. Millions of viewers tune in nightly to watch Alvarez, who is as beautiful as she is informed. If you're watching Brooke Alvarez, you're not alone.
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Episode 5 - The Trial of TR-425A predator drone plane stands trial in military court. Brooke Alvarez delivers a 30-minute nonstop news assault, covering politics, entertainment, science, and business news in the FactZone. It's no wonder more Americans find out what to think by turning to the Onion News Network.
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Episode 6 - Cyber AttackAfter America suffers a cyber attack, Brooke Alvarez interviews top U.S. officials on the subject via satellite. If someone saw something, did something, or allegedly did something, you'll see them on the FactZone. Americans no longer have any excuse to be uninformed.
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Episode 7 - The Real ObamaA breaking news report reveals the president has been kidnapped. Every night in the FactZone Brooke Alvarez provides viewers with the latest news from around the world, except for the countries no one cares about. The Onion News Network doesn't waste your time with news you don't need to know.
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Episode 8 - Stock Market CrashWhen Wall Street panics after a stock market crash, Brooke Alvarez explores the story in depth and also reports new details on the GOP's newest superstar Mike Brant. A small business owner from Kentucky, Brant's earnest desire not to run for public office has propelled him to be a Republican front runner despite his desperate pleas to be left alone.
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Episode 9 - Real AmericaWashington enters talks with the people of Real America. Whenever news happens, Brooke Alvarez is fearless in her pursuit of the truth, going to any length to bring America (the world?) the news.
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Episode 10 - American DreamAs America responds to the news that the American Dream has died, Brooke Alvarez provides the news you need to survive in this terrible, frightening world. Along with her award-winning team of reporters, she covers the stories that matter most from the safety of the FactZone.
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