Family Guy Season 3 Episodes
Season 3 Episode Guide
Episode 1 - The Thin White LineSearching for meaning in life, Brian decides to devote his time to helping others. Using his keen sense of smell, he gets a job with the local police department and becomes the top-dog -- until his nose gets him into trouble.
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Episode 2 - Brian Does HollywoodIn the conclusion of a two-part story line, Brian leaves Quahog for Hollywood in order to write films. When the Griffins visit him in Los Angeles, he desperately takes the first job offered to him in order to impress them - and finds himself directing a porno. Faced with fame and loneliness in his new field, Brian realizes that every dog needs a home.
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Episode 3 - Mr. Griffin Goes to WashingtonHappy-Go-Lucky Toys is purchased by a conglomerate that also owns a major tobacco company. When new management fires his boss, Peter is made President of the company and does such a convincing job of supporting the tobacco industry that the board sends him to Washington DC to give a speech on the benefits of smoking - until everything backfires.
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Episode 4 - One If By Clam, Two If By SeaWhen Quahog is hit by a devastating hurricane, Peter's favorite bar "The Drunken Clam" is destroyed. The owner cannot rebuild the bar so a British man purchases the bar and turns it into a pub where British families start congregating at the pub thereby ruining Peter's old haunt.
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Episode 5 - And the Weiner Is...When Peter becomes jealous of the Chris' physical assets, he joins a gun club to overcompensate for his small size. But when they go on a hunting trip, it takes brains, not brawn, to save them. Meanwhile, Meg finds herself the target of the "cool" kids' wrath at school.
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Episode 6 - Death LivesWhen Peter skips out on his anniversary date with Lois in order to play golf with his buddies, he is inexplicably struck by lightning and visited by Death. Instead of escorting Peter to the after-life, Death tells Peter that Lois will leave him in the future unless Peter uses his near-death experience to come to a life-changing revelation. In order to help him, Death takes Peter back to the moment that Peter and Lois met and fell in love.
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Episode 7 - Lethal WeaponsWhen Fall hits Quahog, the town becomes infested with New Yorkers who come to watch the leaves change colors. As the tension rises, Lois takes her aggression out by practicing Tae-Jitsu, becoming a black-belt and whipping the family into shape.
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Episode 8 - Kiss Seen 'round the WorldWhen Meg applies for an internship at the local television station and gets the job, she is disappointed to find that her news partner is the most reviled nerd in school, Neil. Caught in a life-threatening news situation, Meg laments that she never had a first kiss and agrees to kiss Neil only to find that he taped the whole thing in order to broadcast it across the world. Meanwhile, Stewie learns what a neighborhood bully is and the bully learns not to mess with Stewie.
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Episode 9 - Mr. Saturday KnightWhen Peter's boss dies, the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory is destroyed in order to make way for the Happy-Go-Lucky Terminal Disease Institute. Out of a job, Peter decides to follow his life-long dream of becoming a knight with the traveling Renaissance Fair, but when he is caught in a compromising position with the infamous Black Knight's wench, Maid Madeline, he must defend his family's reputation in an old-fashioned duel.
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Episode 10 - Fish Out of WaterWhen Peter decides to become a fisherman, he takes out a large loan to buy a fishing boat and unwittingly gives up everything he owns as collateral. Faced with losing the family home, Peter resorts to desperate measures to get the money and hunts down a famous man-eating fish for the reward money. Meanwhile, Lois and Meg hit the beach for Spring Break.
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Episode 11 - Emission ImpossiblePeter and Lois are inspired by her pregnant sister Carol to have another baby. Stewie is appalled at the prospect of another sibling and vows to keep Lois and Peter from sleeping together. After various attempts to stop them, Stewie shrinks himself down to a microscopic size and enters Peter's body in hopes of destroying all of his sperm.
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Episode 12 - To Love and Die in DixieWhen Chris sees a convenience store hold up and identifies the thief in a police line-up, the Griffins are put into the witness protection program and must relocate to a small town in the deep south. While they are there, the townspeople put on a Civil War re-enactment and re-invent history by having the South win -- with laser swords. But when Peter questions the historical truthfulness, the town turns on him and he must fight his own battle.
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Episode 13 - Screwed the PoochWhen Brian joins Lois and Peter on their visit to the Pewterschmidits, his pent-up sexual energy is unleashed on the Pewterschmidit's dog Sea Breeze. After the vet informs them that Sea Breeze is pregnant, Mr. Pewterschmidt refuses to let Brian near her. Brian decides to sue him for custody of the puppies.
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Episode 14 - Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?Peter is astounded when he discovers he has a black ancestor, and makes every effort to absorb himself in the culture. But things turn sour when he learns that lois' ancestors owned his ancestor as a plantation slave! meanwhile, stewie attempts to infiltrate the high school cheerleading squad, believing them capable of mass mind-Control!
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Episode 15 - Ready, Willing and DisabledWhen Joe loses a thief in a chase, he also loses his self-confidence and pride as a police officer. Peter becomes determined to help Joe and offers to train him for the decathlon at the Olympics for handicapped athletes. Peter spikes Joe's drink with steroids and he goes on to win the gold medal and fame. Meanwhile, Stewie, Meg and Brian fight over a money clip and $26.
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Episode 16 - A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' ChristmasThe Christmas season gets off to a rocky start for Peter who cannot seem to find the time to rest and watch the Christmas Specials, like the classic "KISS Saves Santa" in which they play themselves defeating Christmas bandits with the screech of the electric guitar. When Peter accidentally gives all of the family presents away, the family has to go the mall for last minute gifts on Christmas Eve, while Brian, who stays home, gets caught in a sticky mess with the Christmas tree and burns Lois' dinner. When the Griffins come home to the mess, nobody is prepared when Lois goes crazy snd loses her Christmas cheer.
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Episode 17 - Brian Wallows and Peter's SwallowsWhen Brian finds the dating scene unbearable, he drowns his loneliness in alcohol and gets arrested for drunk driving. A court judge sentences him to care for a cranky elderly woman who winds up being the love of Brian's life. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard which becomes a nest for endangered birds.
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Episode 18 - From Method to MadnessWhen Brian auditions for a role at the local theater, Stewie is discovered and enters the Quahog School of Performing Arts. Meanwhile, Peter rescues a man from the ocean only to discover that the man is a nudist.
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Episode 19 - Stuck Together, Torn ApartWhen Peter meets one of Lois's ex-boyfriends, he goes green with jealousy and antogonizes Lois by going on a date with Jennifer Love Hewitt.
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Episode 20 - Road to EuropeWhen Stewie and Brian stow away on a flight to Europe, they end up stranded in Saudi Arabia and take up residence at a Comfort Inn. In an attempt to get home, they steal a hot air balloon and pay a visit to Italy and England. Meanwhile, Lois and Peter go to KISS Stock and Peter is mortified when Lois doesn't know any KISS lyrics.
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Episode 21 - Family Guy, Viewer Mail IIn a special three-story episode, Brian reads viewer mail and tries to answer the questions: What if the Griffins were little?, What if Peter found a Genie lamp? and What if the Griffins had super powers?
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Episode 22 - When You Wish Upon a WeinsteinThe day that Peter buys volcano insurance is the day that Lois becomes fed up with their constant money problems. When Peter wishes for a Jewish "money guy" to help them, Max Weinstein comes to the rescue. After meeting Max, Peter decides Chris could be successful if he converted to Judaism as soon as possible, but the plans for a "quickie" bar mitzvah in Las Vegas are quickly foiled by Lois.
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